I know that my Redeemer lives

Though my body is broken and wounded, a light of hope in Christ sustains me. Each dark road leads to a new horizon. My morning prayer proclaimed:

"Lord Jesus, you are the rising Sun, the first fruits of the future resurrection, -- grant that we may not sit in the shadow of death but walk in the light of life. Christ, King of Glory, be our light and our joy."[1]

As my Redeemer lives, so shall I; even though my body is being destroyed, I will be brought forth as gold.[2] I live with the hope that even though I may die, in my flesh I shall be made new to see God as He is. Words fail me! Oh, how I long to see Him, my hope and my joy.[3]

For nearly quarter of a century, I have lived with chronic illness and the disability of multiple sclerosis. After the questions and tears, the railing and internal clamor came full circle, then came defeat then resignation. A small voice whispered “Be still, and know that I am God.”[4] The Lord of hosts is with me. He is my refuge.[5]

This is taken from Psalm 46 – the inspiration of Martin Luther’s towering hymn “A Mighty Fortress is Our God.”

My world has been shaken to its foundations, yet the Psalmist’ assures me that most assuredly God has been suffering humanity’s refuge throughout the ages, our strength, our help in times of trouble and that we will not be afraid.[6] Yet in my weakness I have been afraid. My heart has been so very troubled and filled with dread at what lays ahead of with serious, incurable, generative disease.

Didn’t Jesus say, “Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”? Yes, he did.[7] He told his Disciples that He was going away but would come back for them. He told them a permanent home awaited them (and us) -- a home with the Father in heaven.

Later Saint Peter told us will have trials in this life. We are to endure the trials and use them to glorify God.[8] Saint Paul expands by saying that earthly trials borne in faith produce spiritual fruits directed by the Holy Spirit that includes perseverance that leads to character, which leads to hope that does not disappoint.[9]

My hope is that I will see Christ as He is, and that I will know just as I am known. The reason and necessity for the trials, sorrow, and tears will be known in their full dimensions. The inexpressible longing that has resided within my chest since the dawn of memory, for somewhere else I can’t quite identify, will finally be quenched as I step through the threshold of heaven. I shall look down to realize that I actually “stepped” again and sigh to know I am home at last.

All that will remain on earth of me will be a tombstone with the message, "I know my Redeemer lives.”

Mark Pickup

“For I know that my Redeemer lives, And He shall stand at last on the earth; And after my skin is destroyed, this I know, That in my flesh I shall see God, Whom I shall see for myself, And my eyes shall behold, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!”– Job 19.25-27.

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[1] CHRISTIAN PRAYER: THE LITURGY OF THE HOURS, 1976, p.674.
[2] Cf. Job 23.10.
[3] Cf. Job 19. 25-27. Psalm 17.15, 1Corinthians 13.12, 1John 3.2
[4] Psalm 46.10.
[5] 46.11.
[6] 46.1-2.
[7] John 14.27.
[8] 1Peter 1.6-7.
[9] Romans 5.1-5.